03.04.05
I think pink on pink,
Flamingo fornication,
Is just plain old gross.
03.04.05
When I'm president,
They'll be just one TV show:
"Sex and the City."
03.06.05
I'll define genius
Using only three letters:
WTF.
03.31.05
Can you ever eat
So many Starbursts at once
Your teeth get pulled out?
03.31.05
Bass playing is this:
Buy a bass, gain thirty pounds,
Ride that gravy train.
03.31.05
Tom Cruise: he's handsome.
Johnny Depp: he's handsome, too.
Wes: he's just plain cute.
04.20.05
Today's 4/20.
That can mean only one thing:
It's spring cleaning time.
04.20.05
So there's a new pope,
Which only begs the question,
"Does Jesus like hats?"
04.20.05
It would seem to me
That the best things come in pairs,
Like mittens and boobs.
04.20.05
If I went deaf now,
All I would really miss is
"Who Let the Dogs Out?"
04.20.05
There's nothing quite like
A good book, a warm fire, and
Women's underwear.
04.22.05
Personal fitness:
It's an obsession for me.
...Okay never mind.
04.30.05
Animal Planet:
Is that a TV channel
Or my house's name?
05.09.05
Guns 'N' Roses rocked;
Everybody knows that,
But Blur rocked harder.
05.09.05
Snapple: if it's true
It has "the best stuff on Earth,"
Does it contain splooge?
05.11.05
Summer vacation:
Play some shows, catch a few rays,
Get naked daily.
08.14.05
LFO: bad band.
WTF: good band.
BTO: THE band.
08.14.05
Honestly, lying
Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
So does Cap'n Crunch.
09.01.05
"Anyone But Bush"
That's on some bumper stickers.
What's wrong with some snooch?
04.30.05
I, Wesley Chisholm,
Am an addict; what's my drug?
Rainbow lollipops.
10.03.06
Young, blonde, short, and hot:
That's why Scarlett Johansson
Is my role model.
10.03.06
Hey, I'll be honest.
I have only twelve regrets:
My body piercings.
10.03.06
Life's many riddles,
Like "Where do babies come from?"
May never be solved.
JZ MacMartin 05.17.05
Jigga JZ,
The Mac Attack MacMartin,
...That's all that I got.
09.01.05
I like skimboarding.
Of course, I miss no chance to
Slide around topless.
10.03.06
My nomenclature
Is the same as that rapper's.
What was that guy's name?
10.03.06
"Religion is the
Opium of the people."
I prefer beer bongs.
03.31.05
My farts smell like love.
Could it be I'm now Jesus?
No, he was awesome.
03.31.05
Sometimes I feel gay.
I really love Josh Hartnett.
And his furrowed brow.
10.03.06
So it turns out that
Screech wasn't gay this whole time.
Color me surprised.
10.03.06
My last two haikus
Have highlighted my best trait:
Open-mindedness.
10.03.06
The tools of the trade:
My guitar, my piano,
My voice, my penis.
10.03.06
Some people ask me,
"Dunc, why do you play music?"
I say, "To see tits."