The Patent-Pending JZ MacMartin Rating System
(Patent may or may not actually be pending)
What it is: The world's most accurate tool for describing the sweetness or suckitude of anything and everything.
Who uses it: JZ and any ladies lucky enough to be granted access to his "inner sanctum."
How it works: In response to the ever-increasing convolution of the widely-adopted Star System, Dr. MacMartin has determined that a new, more consistent unit of measure, pictures of pop performer Britney Spears, will yield superior results. The hotter the photo, the higher the quality of the subject in review.
Why you should read these reviews: Because JZ said so...and Matlock got cancelled.
 
Movies
  
Airheads: Obviously this movie rules. How can it not? A band breaks into a local radio station and holds it hostage so that “the whole world can hear” their demo. I AM ROCK AND ROLL.
Batman 1: Surprisingly, this is the best Batman movie so far (the new one should be sick). It chronicles the Joker’s transformation and then demise, but what I don’t understand is how Batman has already got his car and his plane, suit, bat cave, etc, but the town still doesn’t know if he’s a good guy or a bad guy. Anyway, maybe see this before the new one comes out.

Batman Begins: I saw this movie twice already, its fucking sweet. The title pretty much explains what the movie’s about, but incase you saw the movie and missed the message: fear. Anyway it’s refreshingly more realistic than the other batmans, although the fight scenes are choppy and hard to follow. Here’s to hoping this director (memento) makes more.
Batman Returns: This one is pretty good too. I think it broke some sort of record when it came out because of all the robot penguins with rocket launchers in that one scene. Ah, the early 90s, where did you go?

Crash: Go see Crash. This movie’s greatness stems from the superb script/writing. Basically the movie chronicles a series of events involving a handful of characters, each inter-related with a different circumstance, but the real luxury is how the characters switch good/bad guy roles easily and believably between the different situations.

Fast Times At Ridgemont High: Obviously this movie is good. Classic 80s high school movie following a bunch of different characters through various hardships/events. Plus the classic swimming pool scene, and Spicoli. Hey bud, let’s party.
The Incredibles: Awesome movie. Yeah, it’s a kids movie, but it’s really well done, entertaining, and definitely worth it. If you don’t know, it’s about a family of ‘supers’ who re-connect with their powers and inner-selves. Don’t forget to watch “Jack-Jack Attack” on the other DVD.

The Interpreter: I’d say see this if you’re bored. I hate when suspense or action movies try and throw in a sappy love connection; luckily this movie’s isn’t as bad. There are some cool sequences and explosions, but for some reason the movie seemed distant. Nicole Kidman is hot.
Swimming Pool: Hot naked French chick? Who cares if there are subtitles in like half the movie. But honestly, this movie is really good. It’s about a writer (speaks English) who goes out into the French countryside and gets wrapped up in a series of events, and it all seems pretty straight forward until the end. Makes you think. Really good.
 
Drinks
  
Ciclon: Tequila spiked rum? Sounds delicious. And it is. Mixes really well with coke (obvi), and it has a nice lime tinge, but the bottle doesn’t go very far. I think its only 35% alc and it only comes in bottle form, no handles. But, it’s still delicious.

Georgia Moon Corn Whisky: First of all, this comes in one of those mason jars that strawberry jam comes in. Second of all, it guarantees that its “Less than 30 days old”. Finally, it is not made in Georgia, but in fact Kentucky. However it is 50% alc and costs like $9. Tastes like burning but makes a good party conversation piece I guess.

 
Music
  
Air; Moon Safari: Great CD. Go buy it if you haven’t got it already. Awesome ‘airy’ (coincidence?) electro-pop from some French guys. Really relaxing and laid back. This CD is a classic. Recommended party-mix song: not really party music if you know what I mean, but I guess “Sexy Boy”

Collective Soul; Youth: Being an avid Collective Soul fan, I bought this new CD off of i-Tunes (where all our CDs can be purchased) out of principal. It brings the usual Collective Soul heavy guitar riffs, but something seems amiss. Maybe they’ve been in the game too long, or maybe they’ve been out of it for too long, either way I wouldn’t spend my money on the whole thing, just buy this recommended party-mix song: “Him”
Fun Lovin’ Criminals; Come Find Yourself: This CD is actually good. You might remember their single “Scooby Snacks” off of this CD, sorta catchy, weird funk beat with rap over it; well the rest of the CD is basically like that. Some of the songs are more bad-ass, mostly the first half of the CD, but unfortunately the second half of the CD sucks. Recommended party-mix song: “King of New York”
Nirvana; In Utero: I really like this CD more than Nevermind, it seems truer to Nirvana just in the way that it was recorded. Anyway, there are some really eerie messages imbedded in Kurt’s lyrics that seem that they could be significant post-suicide, almost as if that was supposed to happen. I hate Courtney. Regardless, this CD is great to drum along to, really great workout. Recommended party-mix song: “Milk It”

The Refreshments; Fizzy Fuzzy Big & Buzzy: Great 90s Southwest Rock. These guys really know how to write catchy songs that simultaneously shred, and when they have to they lay down the groove to get the emotion of the song across. I can see the lightning from the storm down in Mexico. Recommended party-mix song: “Carefree” or “ Mekong”

Skid Row: I suppose I’m reviewing their entire catalogue based off of a couple songs, but the guys that brought us the 80s rock ballad “I Remember You” actually really rock. Pretty quintessential 80s metal but good none-the-less. Recommended party-mix song: “Get the Fuck Out”

Smile; Girl Crushes Boy: Unfortunately these guys broke up after they made this CD. Either way, this CD might take some listening to get used to, but it’s a good example of a 90s California band that was huge in their home town ( Costa Mesa) but never really made it beyond that. This CD is GREAT to drum along to, by the way; some cool complicated grooves in some of the songs. Recommended party-mix song: “Lawndarts”
Skim Boarding Beaches

Goose Rocks Beach, ME: Not very good at high-tide at all, but there are some good thin spots during the in-between tides, particularly on the private side of the beach. Aside from these areas in-between tides, there’s not much, although there are a lot of pools of water that can be good to learn on when no-one’s around, which is another plus: not very crowded.

Harwich, MA: This beach was horrible for skimming. The waves didn’t last long at all, and from what I could tell there was no real tide difference. I’m sure there are better beaches in Cape Cod.
Hatteras, NC : The Outer Banks! I can’t believe people actually live out there. Anyway, this beach wasn’t really that good for skimming. The breaks didn’t last that long regardless of the tide, and the wind makes it hard to kick the board to keep going. If the wind isn’t that bad (morning), and you can find a decent spot its pretty average.

Ogunquit Beach, ME: This is probably the prime skimming spot. Long flat beach that gets real thin and lasts real long. Long rides are a must. Unfortunately high tide comes alllll the way up, so you have to go a couple hours before or after, and the beach gets real crowded around the big holidays, but the rides are worth it.

St. Simon’s Island, GA: There are some really cool sand dunes you can skim on in-between tides, and the beach is pretty skimable regardless of the tide. There are some great sections that last a long time, plus the water’s real warm.

Wells Beach, ME: Very similar to Ogunquit Beach, except that this beach has a bunch of rocks sticking out of it that you have to watch out for obviously. The water stays thin for a long time, and the whole beach is pretty flat, so long rides are very possible. Unfortunately the beach reminds me of the skeezy one in Fletch, and parking is hard to find.

Note: Welcome to Florida has no relationship with Ms. Spears, means her no malice, and in no way endorses her. Ms. Spears in no way endorses Welcome to Florida or this website.